As President Trump dropped executive orders at an alarming rate, I celebrated my life.
On January 24th, I took time to sit with myself and reflect on the past year. I read messages and took phone calls from friends new and old on my phone. I’ve traded bottles and blaring speakers for DayQuil and napkins after recent spats with the flu that passed through our family. Then, I enjoyed our quiet breakfast, ignoring the TV and the constant buzzing from this and that news for a respite.
This feels asymmetrical to the doom and gloom I would forefront in times like these. However, I’ve learned a lot over the last two decades, it’s that “shock and awe” tactics are a multipronged approach to get people to stop fighting back. We need to get clear, see beyond the tactics, and point towards the bigger vision. That is to say, we can do better.
As a veteran educator turned sociologist, I find it important to say that humanity has been here before. Even in the last twenty years, uncertainty reigned at critical periods and sometimes, only the worst solutions seemed to win the day. Lessons from ancestors living and passed on can teach us to hold joy amid the tyranny. Here are some notes I’ve picked up through my journey:
1. Build your intuition. Intuition is the nexus between intellect and experiences. These days, it feels like we’re getting a lot of noise and not enough clarity about what we need to listen to and what we’re listening for. Some of the most remarkable folks we know synthesize big ideas and engage deeply with what’s in front of them. It starts with intuition. It’s true that what we commonly refer to as intuition is a “gut feeling.” However, the folks with stronger “guts” are also those who’ve had experience and got better at learning over time.
2. Read well. When I say “read,” I don’t mean just books. If you have children, read aloud with them. If you’re on your own, read articles. Gather ideas from what you read and engage with it. Ask how it either gives you a new perspective on a concept or conflicts with it. Audiobooks matter, too. Read slowly where possible, too.
3. Resist complete isolation. Humans are social creatures. Pretending that we can stop socializing with others to get a clearer mind negates how we build better with others. You don’t have to start something new; there are a plethora of opportunities to engage people on and off-line. If you don’t see it, yes, start a squad. It doesn’t have to be 100 at first. It can just be five.
4. Remember your people. Facebook tempts us to throw in a happy birthday once a year. I’ve developed a habit to occasionally call someone and send a voice note to ask how my people are doing. As an introvert, I know it’s difficult. I also feel like our devices give us a false sense of connectedness that we could improve by just picking up the phone for its original intent.
5. Take long timeouts from social media. Every time someone does the extended time out, they’ll ask “What did I miss?” And I’ll say “Everything and nothing.” Our rush to collect followers and grow engagement sometimes takes us away from becoming better people. For what it’s worth, I delete my social media apps during my breaks and it feels like a reboot for my mind. Speaking of which …
6. Learn how to tell people how you feel about them directly (or don’t say anything at all). A few years ago, I started a “no subs” policy in my work. For context, “subbing” means you’re writing an indirect sentiment or insult at someone hoping or knowing someone else knows who you’re talking about. Sometimes, people sub hoping that the person it was intended for catches it, too. Great. But I find it more effective and efficient to just tell the person you’re thinking of how you feel. It’s what we would want for ourselves. Also …
7. Have an abundance of grace for others. Grace is an important virtue for building community. The grace extends not just for others who can’t articulate the same values as you, but also for yourself when you make mistakes. Accountability is fine, but self-flagellation is an insidious cycle. Grace means that we get to show up as our fullest selves, mistakes and all.
8. Stay principled beyond laws. It’s evident that people on several levels of government would rather abdicate their responsibility to the laws of the land than serve the majority of their constituents. For that matter, some of us know that being lawful is not the same as being just. Thus, it matters when we have principles that serve as lenses for the work we want to do and the people we want to be.
9. Pick just one institution or domain we want to defend or strengthen and get really smart about. Too many people think we need to have it all together or know all the breaking news. Most people don’t have time or mind space for that. But if you’ve already picked that one thing and focused on doing it better, more humanely, and more justly, then that’s good work.
These are just notes, for sure. It’s an inexhaustive list and, amid the many lists out there, this one is for my people through my experience and lens. In other words, it’s as much for me as this is for you.
A couple of days ago, I might have considered what I did on my birthday as boring. But I appreciated the stillness of the day and having a semblance of control over how I reacted to the inhumanity. It’s not toxic positivity. It’s the idea that, contrary to their wills, my people and I have lives worth living.
And we don’t need permission to live these lives of ours. And I won’t be waiting for another revolution around the sun to make that happen.
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